One of the first steps that debtors are advised of is to open the letters that are piling up and get in touch with their creditors. This is rock solid advice so why do many of us find it such an excruciatingly difficult thing to do? I have been a debtor, bankrupt and debt adviser (in that order) and I think I may have the answer. As a debtor, creditor letters terrified me and I would leave them unopened wishing they would disappear! I hated receiving these official looking letters as they reflected back to me all my feelings of absolute failure and worthlessness around money. I felt totally out of control and vulnerable. I knew it made sense to let my creditors know about my financial situation except I didn’t know what to write. I was resisting letting them know that I was in trouble.

As a debt adviser, my clients often came to the first meeting armed with months of unopened brown envelopes. They would start the conversation with ‘I’ve been really stupid’ or ‘How could I have got myself into this mess? I have been there and I can fully empathise with the cringing, embarrassment and humiliation. It is however best to overcome the resistance and open the letters.

The first step is to read them. The second step is to not take anything that is written in these letters personally. I saw hundreds of them as a debt adviser, all with the same wording. They are never going to be warm and fluffy because they are designed to get us to repay our debt, but neither are they singling us out as dreadful debtors. Third step is ride through the resistance and get in touch with the creditors. If they know the situation they can start working towards resolving it with us.

It can be really tough letting people such as advice agencies and creditors know the extent of our debt problem. We fear that we will be judged and looked down upon. Financial institutions are unlikely to take a debt personally and will deal with it on a professional basis. With other creditors, such as family and friends, things can be more difficult. It is important, however, to remember that whilst we may have made a mistake with our financial mismanagement, we are now taking responsibility for it and are getting in touch to resolve it. That’s the important point. We need to stay strong in these situations and not put up with being patronised or emotionally manipulated.

The really important point to make here is the excellent professional help that the ‘Direct Divas’ site offers, so we don’t have to do this on our own. There we can have access to approachable, friendly, non judgemental insolvency professionals who can assist us with this.

My plea is to stop staring at the letters, open them and get the help you deserve.

Kate Judge All rights Reserved 5/1/09

www.shamedbycredit.co.uk

Read Kate’s articles: The Emotional Side of Debt Financial Denial: No Need for Suicide

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